Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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