Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I just blew my weed a kiss
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Randomize
