I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize
