Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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