what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
people are starting to question the shark bite story
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
