and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
