there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
