I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
