Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I just gift wrapped bread.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
The air was thick with penises
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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