a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
