I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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