I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
