Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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