So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
My ATM looks so different sober.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
