allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
