sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
