I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Randomize
