So drunk its hurt
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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