so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I am available for nakedness
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
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