and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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