Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
