a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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