so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
