I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
