this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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