Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
