Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
