so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
