i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
