did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
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