i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
