when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
