We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
