dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
