Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
