Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
