she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
