the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
