my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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