yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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