saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
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