I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
