i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
