I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
