he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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