she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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