I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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