Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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