he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
