my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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