When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
